The job market can be a jungle, and you don’t want to make it easy for someone to ignore your CV, so these tips will tell you the secret phrases that turn off ANY employer reviewing your CV.
Be sure to check your own CV and make sure none of these are present, if they are it might explain why you’ve not yet got that dream job you’re always applying for!
- “Paedophile” – It’s doesn’t matter how well you phrase it, or how much volunteering you did alongside it, no-one likes the idea of hiring a paedophile, so take it out – now.
- “Projectile Vomiting” – It’s a funny anecdote, we get it. But maybe keep it for the day your new boss takes you for lunch, rather than squeezing it into the two pages designed to impress him before he even gets to know the ‘party’ you.
- “Massive Testicles” – It’s a perfectly natural part of the body, and one you either own, or have been exposed to, but your potential employer almost certainly has no interest in what you think of them, or how much of your weekend is spent obsessing over them. Just leave the physical descriptions to your height, age, and maybe skin colour.
- “But I still maintain my innocence” – A criminal record is not necessarily something that will stop you getting your foot in the door, but being one of those clichéd ex-cons who insists they’re actually innocent is tiresome in the extreme. Embrace your criminal record and show you are proud of your mistakes, and more importantly, the valuable lessons you’ve learned from them.
- “I enjoy stealing in all its forms” – Your future boss knows you’re going to steal, from a pen to the odd post it, maybe some paper for the kids to draw on at home – but he doesn’t want to know that the boardroom could be missing a plasma TV any time soon. Keep the hobbies section sports and books.
- “My absolute favourite tattoo is the one of a [insert animal here]” – There’s no need to put it in your CV, because unless your interviewer is blind, they’re going to see it soon enough. Why not show them you’re a strategic thinker by explaining your next 5 tattoos instead?
That’s it – get these out of your CV now and watch the job offers come flying in!